I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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