What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
