This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
