he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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