He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
