I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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