Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
