no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
