Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
