i jhust puked up my retainher.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
