Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
