I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
