Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
