16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
