my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
