i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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