I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
