White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Pants are for mortals
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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