His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
