Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
