hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
