I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
We are all done wearing pants today
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
