I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
