I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize