john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
