He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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