Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
