I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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