I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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