Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
