I will die if light touches me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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