Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
