Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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