walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
