Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
