The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
