I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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