he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
