So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
