it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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