Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
