I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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