This is not my ceiling
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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