I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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