God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
