Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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