Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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