You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
