Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He passed out mid-signature
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
