So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
