why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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