What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
