they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
