I accidentally had phone sex last night
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
