i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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