gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
