Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
whose ass print is on the piano?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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