he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
