I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
