38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
