woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
