Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
