I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
