so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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