Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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