my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
