Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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