guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
So many bounce houses so little time
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
