I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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