that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
