Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Do you remember whose house we're in?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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