its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
