All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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