it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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