Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize