why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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