his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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