Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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