You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
