dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
