he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
