R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
