You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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