dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
