Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
