I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I want her autograph on my taint
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Holy shit dude........stairs
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize