Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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