how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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