Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
