I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
