Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
