Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
